11:14:00 PM
Just when i was about to celebrate my special sem completion and his attachment ending. this has to happened. when i was planning a surprise for him.. haix.. my 21st bday wish might not come true le..i guess it might be unpredictable and it could have been prevented if i were more careful, less blinded and more decisive..
There is always a first time for everydin, I noe it is wrong of him to two-time, my friends say its very jerk to do dat and worst was he did not even dare to admit it. he said it was to protect me and also cause he was not sure of his own feelings, but this incident has really scarred my confidence towards relationships, and perhaps even have a phobia for it.. haix.. reali dono wad to say le.. sad of cuz sad.. but i don wan to tell him.. i have to put up the brave front to prevent my dad from worrying .. to help him make the decision, i realli don wan to see him so confused and sad.. =/ i dono if i am doing him harm by pushing him away, but i guess in the short run it shd help mi feel less stressed ba.. don wan him to drink too.. cause its realli bad for his health.. hope al the sacrifice would be appreciated one day..
I finally released how my soft-heartedness and sillyness had led to this heartbreak ba.. if i had made up my mind earlier, maybe all this hurt would not have been inflicted on me.. when i was so overly concerned about reactions to a breakup, worried about how he was going to cope, realli made me make that decision to give us a chance, little did i noe that he was not as strong as i was. Tempations were always dere, not dat i blame him, but i guess most guys would have felt flattered by such a confession and easy target. yup.. i was always born not learning how to fend for myself, to be selfish or to fight for things i wan.. ( this is a good n bad point man) but i guess its time to learn to be strong ---- for my friends n for myself!!
THough i did not fight for my friends, I still had a wonderful bunch of friends who always supported me throughout this difficult period, lots of advice, encouragements, calls, dinner dates flowed in, all just to make sure I would be fine.. I was really overwhelmed and felt glad i had these people with me.. the messages all so touching n amusing, the different types of ways to get me back on my feet. I don say they erase the hurt, but they really helped to lighten it.. “ jing yi shi zhang yi zhi “ ba.. i really learned the importance to be tougher and more rational le.
Memories shall just be memories, tinking about it still brings back the laughter n I guess at least i once enjoyed and was really happy before.. being sentimental is something I still cant get over and i noe as my friends said, that’s just Li Wei.. haha.. atttachemtn is starting soon.. hope i will be busy enough to get over it faster and not have the heart-ache anymore. I hope wad my friends said is true that I deserve someone better.
If there is no bitterness of the breakup, there would be no sweetness in the relationship. I guess I have no regrets since I really put in my heart n soul, dedicating all that I could for him. I dui de qi zi ji le.. It obvious who is losing the gem =) haha..
I really hope to put this chapter of life behind, only remember the sweet memories and forget the unhappy ones. IF we can still be friends, it would be good, if not, all I have in exchange would be loads of good friends and the lessons learned.. Look forward to a better future and wish u all the best.. I’m not the vengeful kind so i really wish u all the best! Please noe dat every girl has the right to be loved =) the biggest hurt comes from the lies dat u said which was mean to protect me but i guess it made things worst.
Thanks for all that you have done! Thanks for making me a better person and letting me realise the harsh reality of 1+1 is not equals to 2. Not everything can be reciprocated with efforts and dedication. It also depends on tian shi, di li and ren he..>.<>
To my special friends, u guys rock and thanks for being dere patiently, listening to all my rantings and sharing... u all made me more hopeful and taught me to love myself more! U guys made me feel much better and thanks for all the kind gestures =)
Dats for me to noe, For you to guess =)
11:14:00 PM
